Death imitates life: An interview with Anna Nicole Smith's make-up and hairdresser, Guy Madison, has reveled that the former playboy model's decaying body was still being primped and prodded after her death.

According to Madison, he was paid $5000 a day for three weeks to “keep up” the flamboyant star's vanity routine. Daily grooming included washing and styling her hair, applying layers of make-up and even matching her nails to her wardrobe, which was also changed sometimes up to three times a day.

Smith's representatives had no comment.

Garbage woman for life: After a week of community service at the New York City Department of Sanitation, where she mopped floors cleaned bathrooms and shoveled human waste, Naomi Campbell was so enamored with her duties she has decided to make it a full-time commitment.

Accepting the position of Human Waste Supervisor, Campbell will be in charge of delegating shit-shoveling duties to employees, but rather than vocally delving out chores, the now-former supermodel will be physically throwing the feces at workers.

On a quick note: Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth were seen at Starbucks yesterday ordering lattes, that weren't non-fat.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.