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Film causes uproar in the U.N.

Ernesto Guevara | Distorter Media | Distorter | October 1st, 2007

A presentation made to the United Nations General Assembly has left one leader confused and another seething.

The presentation, on the heels of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to the U.N. raised the terror alert in New York City to “Red”, the highest colour in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security's advisory system. The short film screened exclusively for U.N. delegates titled Weapons of Mass-Turbation has convinced American president George W. Bush that the United States is under immediate threat and that the film undeniably links Iran to nuclear weapons.

“Without a doubt the woman in this film appears to me to be of Iranian/Persian descent,” commented Bush. “What we were shown, though tit... tit... titillating proves that the Iranian nuclear program is not for peaceful power generation purposes and that the massive rockets depicted in the film do exist and are aimed at America.”

An angry Ahmadinejad called the movie a cruel joke that is not representative of Iran.

“This film in truth has nothing to do with Iran,” claimed Ahmadinejad. “I am not sure where the United Nations acquired such a film, but women in Iran wear burqas, and in Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country.”

The film's distributor, Charlie Cloverleaf, was disappointed by the reaction his film was receiving.

“I'm not sure what these old men saw in what I was presenting to them at the official prescreening at the U.N.,” said Cloverleaf. “The short film is about peace and self love, not about war and destruction. The message I was trying to convey to these people that the only weapon they need to handle is the one that dangles between their legs. Imagine a world that when things go awry the solution would lie with masturbation? There is nothing like self love to pacify the masses.”

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
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