Police offer free beer for life to help solve Fleming crime
A criminal investigation that continues to go nowhere has prompted police to drastic measures, free beer for life for would be tipsters leading to charges and a conviction.
The drastic measures by police stem from incidents on Fleming Drive that saw two men stabbed during an altercation, which the police believe was started after a group of unwanted visitors showed up at a party in the area, and a third man was hospitalized after being struck by a beer bottle resulting in a gash running from temple to jaw on one side of his face.
Police were disheartened with responses from those in the area that evening, unable to draw any useful information that could help solve the crime. Students living in the area didn't want to “snitch” on anyone.
“We felt the offer of free beer for life would entice someone to come forward to help solve this crime,” said a police spokesperson.
Asked whether free beer would entice him to spill the beans, Jesse VanHammer didn't hesitate.
“Hell yeah! Free beer, I'm there,” he said. “I don't care if I have to rat out my brother or sister, I think I'd make that call. I think I may call in a tip and hope it pays off. It would be like winning the lottery.”
If anyone has any information call Police at 666-6969 or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
The drastic measures by police stem from incidents on Fleming Drive that saw two men stabbed during an altercation, which the police believe was started after a group of unwanted visitors showed up at a party in the area, and a third man was hospitalized after being struck by a beer bottle resulting in a gash running from temple to jaw on one side of his face.
Police were disheartened with responses from those in the area that evening, unable to draw any useful information that could help solve the crime. Students living in the area didn't want to “snitch” on anyone.
“We felt the offer of free beer for life would entice someone to come forward to help solve this crime,” said a police spokesperson.
Asked whether free beer would entice him to spill the beans, Jesse VanHammer didn't hesitate.
“Hell yeah! Free beer, I'm there,” he said. “I don't care if I have to rat out my brother or sister, I think I'd make that call. I think I may call in a tip and hope it pays off. It would be like winning the lottery.”
If anyone has any information call Police at 666-6969 or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS.
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.
