Lance Master has a dirty little secret that he wants to let all the other playas out there in on. He can never remember last nights conquest, but he's come up with a fool proof plan that's kept the good times coming the morning after.

“I'd be having these amazing hook-ups and then in the morning I'd blow it,” admitted Master. “I just couldn't keep the good vibrations going for a little longer. I'd blurt out the wrong name at the wrong time.


“I haven't been with a girl that doesn't want me to know her name in the morning so I needed to come up with a plan.”

According to Master he has developed an adhesive product that he places on the forehead of whatever girl he's spending the night with. He will write the girl's name on the product at some point during the evenings festivities. Master claims that the adhesive has side benefits as well, which makes people unaware that it actually has been placed on their forehead.

“I've developed an adhesive that is part acne cream and part night cream,” said Master. “I haven't had anyone catch on yet. Though removal in the morning is somewhat tricky. I find though that a little play fighting in bed helps with discreet removal.”

Master claims to have used the product 20 times in the past two months, and that since using the product he hasn't received any of the groin shots he had become accustomed to. In fact Master claims the only groin shots he gets the morning after are ones he enjoys incredibly.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.