In any given situation there are certain things you should do, and other things you should avoid at all costs. For example, if you want to avoid police trouble, you should use common sense, follow the laws, and avoid being a dink. The same guidelines can be applied in a gym setting. So listen up if you want to avoid getting your ass kicked in the gym. Let's move right along with the list.

1 — No foul language. Nobody wants to hear the F bomb every other second or nasty details about how you hooked up the night before. We're not in grade six, so be considerate of your fellow members and keep it clean.

2 — No outdoor wear. No sandals, boots, jeans or fancy shirts. You'll look like a tool and you're going to get hurt wearing this gear on the machines. The gym isn't Jim Bobs, so don't dress like it is.

3 — Keep your stuff in the change room. Nobody wants to trip on your gym bag so keep it where it belongs. If your stuff is sitting on the gym floor, your fellow members are spitting on it while you're not looking.

4 — Clean up after yourself. Don't leave machines, mats, and other exercise gear with a sweaty imprint of your body after you're done with them. This is the quickest way to get your ass kicked and no one will help you because you'll deserve it.

5 — Get off equipment in between sets. Give others the chance to work in with you while you are resting between sets. Don't sit on the machine as if it's a couch. If you at least get up from the machine while you're resting, it will make others feel more comfortable to approach you and ask if they can work in with you.

6 — Don't drop or clang weights. To those who enjoy allowing dumbbells to crash on the floor after their last rep on flat bench, letting everybody know, “Hey, I'm done and these weights are really heavy!” If you're not strong enough to lower the weights down easy, you're not strong enough to use them. Hold the weights under control as much as you possibly can until you're done. Trust me; you're muscles will thank you later.

7 — Limit yourself to 20 minutes of cardio when others are waiting. If you want to get the nastiest looks from fellow members, keep doing your Boston Marathon on the treadmill or cross-trainer. Take others into consideration during peak hours in the gym.

8 — Avoid unnecessary noise. An excruciating final rep or squatting two and a half times your body weight definitely warrants some grunting. But for the most part, there are no signs that say you should let everyone know what you're doing. Yes I'm talking to you, Mr. Screamer. No one wants to hear you make it sound like you're giving birth out of your ass over by the preacher curl.

Stay tuned until next week for the continuation of how to avoid getting your ass kicked in the gym…

Have a sweaty-machine horror story? Can't get the grunter next to you to shut up? Email Rick for solutions to all your gym problems at rmelo@fanshawec.ca