The summer months are when Hollywood typically rolls out its biggest hits, and this year is no exception. Here is just a small sampling of what is coming to theatres over the next few months.

Baiowulf — First he was 45 and single. Then he was 46 and pregnant. Now Scott Baio is 47...and a wolf? That's correct, Scott Baio plays a brave warrior who is turned into a wolf by an evil sorcereress/ex-girlfriend named Grendel. In order to move on with his life and be able to walk on two feet again, Baio must meet up with all of the women he has scorned over the years, and apologize. That's not going to be easy, as most people in their right mind flee in terror at the sight of a wolf.

Cheque Please — Eugene Levy and Cuba Gooding Jr. star in this fact-based account of two somewhat respected actors who make a wager as to which of them can accrue a sum of $100 million fastest. In order to do so, they must throw away any hope of artistic integrity and accept all roles offered. Watch as Cuba agrees to star in Mind Your Own Bees-ness, about a beekeeper, who, get this, is deathly afraid of bees! See Eugene once again portray Noah Levenstein in American Pie: Boob Parade. And you won't be able to look away as Cuba visits the home of Eddie Murphy to pick up the scripts that Eddie has decided to pass on.

Block This! — Lindsay Lohan stars as a woman who spends upwards of 20 hours a day on Facebook, installing application after application, and sending “friends” invitations to use every damn one of them. When she notices that some of these “friends” have ignored her invitations, and have even gone so far as to remove her as a contact, Lohan's character goes postal, and begins stalking these individuals. Hey, at least it gets her away from the computer. Lohan had to abandon the film in order to attend rehab and a few parties at the Playboy mansion, so she was replaced by another actress halfway through the film. As a result, her character is filmed only from behind in the later stages, and suddenly becomes a mute. That's what I call a plot twist!

Bearly Legal — This animated feature from Walt Disney tells the outrageous tale of a 12-year-old named Brutus who gets elected to the Supreme Court. Oh, and did I mention that Brutus is a bear? And that his best friend is a mosquito named Willy? Brutus and Willy meet all sorts of colourful characters in their journey from the wild to the bench. While in the midst of a brutal murder case, they learn the true meaning of friendship, with help from a few original tunes provided by Elton John, John Tesh, Josh Groban and Phil Collins.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.