Cinema Connoisseur: All you need is Love Guru
Just in time for Christmas, the biggest movie of the year has landed at your local retail outlet. That's correct - you can own your very own copy of the Mike Myers instant classic The Love Guru.
Oh sure, a few films made more cash at the almighty box office, like Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Sex in the City, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Nim's Island, Meet the Spartans, Drillbit Taylor, and a handful of others, assuming you are like my uncle Don, and have 54 fingers on your hand. But no film cast a larger shadow over its competitors as The Love Guru, thanks to a superb supporting cast consisting of Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake and Verne Troyer.
Myers stars as the Guru Pitka, a Deepak Chopra like individual who is brought in to help the star player of the Toronto Maple Leafs (a delightful oxymoron by Myers). Along the way Myers develops feelings for the owner of the Leafs, portrayed by Alba. So while Pitka struggles to help the Leafs win the Stanley Cup (and land a coveted guest spot on Oprah), he must also deal with the one thing that is preventing him from acting on his feelings for Bullard — that being the chastity belt around his nether regions.
Myers delivers a subtle, restrained performance as Pitka. It might be his finest work since The Cat in the Hat. In fact it will go down as one of the all time great comedic performances. I especially liked the part where he rides an elephant onto the ice during the Stanley Cup Finals game, so that the elephant can fornicate with another elephant. Left in the hands of any other actor that part could have seemed silly, but not with a skilled craftsman like Myers.
Score another one for Jessica Alba. After Honey, Into the Blue, Good Luck Chuck, and this film, it is clear that the woman can do no wrong. Her career is following the same legendary path blazed by the likes of Katherine Hepburn and Denise Richards. Since she recently gave birth, some have referred to Alba as a MILF. I'd prefer to think of her as a MILSRRDAAN — ‘Mom I'd Like To See Receive a Richly Deserved Academy Award Nomination.' That acronym is going to catch on. I better register the .com address for it soon.
This film also stars a male sex symbol as well. Talented, dynamic, charismatic, all words that can be used to describe Verne Troyer. While I enjoyed his antics on “The Surreal Life,” it is great to see him back in motion pictures. No actor punches somebody in the groin like Verne does, and he gets ample opportunity to do so as Coach Cherkov, bench manager for the Maple Leafs. Unlike the Maple Leafs, Troyer never comes up short, standing head and shoulders above his peers.
Oh, Justin Timberlake is also in the film.
My only complaint about the DVD release of this fine film is that is has been limited to two discs. Why only two discs, when inferior films such as The Godfather have been given the three disc treatment? Listen, when I heard that The Love Guru was coming out on DVD, I went out and bought myself a state of the art Playstation 2 video gaming system so I could enjoy all that these new fangled video discs have to offer. Yet, I was left wanting more.
Sure, I enjoyed the blooper reel, and the footage of the actors going through hockey training, but there was so much more I could have seen. Surely Verne Troyer and Jessica Alba filmed a sex tape together. I mean how could either of them have resisted? Where is that footage? Why not throw that on a third disc, instead of forcing people to wait for the low quality, grainy version to appear on Youtube?
