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Cinema Connoisseur: Start spreading the Mewes, Bottoms Up is tops

Allen Gaynor | Interrobang | Lifestyles | February 9th, 2009




Bottoms Up (2006)

Big news everyone — movie star Jason Mewes is coming to Fanshawe this week. That's correct, the Jay half of the Jay and Silent Bob tandem immortalized in such films as Clerks and Dogma will be in Forwell Hall this Tuesday night.

He'll be there at 8 pm answering your questions, and telling a few stories — hopefully “Jack and the Beanstalk” will be one of them. Before he gets on stage though, there will be a showing of one of the films he starred in.

Unfortunately, that film will not be his finest work, the movie that I will be reviewing this week. A little film called Bottoms Up, co-starring arguably Hollywood's most talented actress Paris Hilton.

In Bottoms Up, Mewes plays Owen, a Minnesota bartender who works at his father's struggling steakhouse. In order to try to save his father's business, Owen heads to Hollywood so he can enter a bartending competition.

While in Hollywood, Owen stays with his Uncle Earl, a closeted, yet extremely flamboyant homosexual. When Owen arrives at his doorstep, Uncle Earl is in the middle of watching gay porn and wearing a “I (heart) Cock” t-shirt. This is clearly the most sensitive portrayal of homosexuality on film since Brokeback Mountain.

So Owen competes in the bartending competition, which involves a bunch of cocky jerks tossing bottles around, catching them and then pouring them in a flashy manner — you know the kind of things bartenders do when they really should just be serving more drinks so the lineup doesn't get so damn long.

Unfortunately for Owen, he does not come up the winner in what turns out to be a crooked contest.

In order to earn some cash, Owen takes a job from his Uncle Earl, who works as a camera operator for a tabloid television program. Owen ends up getting tangled up in the lives of big time movie star Hayden Field, and his girlfriend Lisa Mancini (Paris Hilton).

Owen and Uncle Earl plan to land an interview with the reclusive star Field, and blackmail his girlfriend Lisa to get them into his inner circle. But wouldn't you know it, Owen ends up falling for Lisa.

Why wouldn't he? Just like Paris Hilton in real life, Lisa is a sweet, down to earth girl who gives all of her money to the homeless. Even if Lisa/Paris has the face of a rat, any man would be crazy to not fall head over heels for her.

This is the perfect week for you to pickup Bottoms Up. Not only is Mewes coming to Fanshawe, but Valentine's Day is also approaching. I cannot think of a more alluring romance in the history of cinema than the one between Mewes and Hilton in this film. When they had sex off camera, and most assuredly they did, it must have been magical. If you attend the Mewes appearance next week, you should ask him about it. In fact, I've heard that he is ashamed of all his other work, and insists on only talking about Bottoms Up. So come prepared with lots of questions about the film.
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