People you meet driving on London city streets
I'm going to bring to your attention a few problems I see when I drive in this city. I would also like to make some suggestions on how to fix them without taking the law into my own hands and taking the privilege of driving away from you stupid people!
When you're at a green light and you see the advance arrow, please don't sit there like a bonehead and stare at it. I see so many people acting like Rednecks who haven't seen this technology just sit when the arrow shows up, which results in only one or two vehicles making it through in time. I picture it like this:
Stupid Person #1: “HEY, MAW! LOOK AT THAT ARROW!”
Stupid Person #2: “SURE IS PERTY!”
Stupid Person #1: “WHAT DO WE DO?”
Stupid Person #2: “I RECKON WE GO THROUGH.”
Stupid Person #1: “LET'S JUST LOOK AT IT A LITTLE MORE, FIRST.”
Stupid Person #2:”HAW HAW HAW, YEAH.”
I say: “HURRY THE HELL UP AND GO YOU STUPID BASTARDS!”
The next topic is about people who use their hazard lights. Just because they're flashing doesn't mean you can park wherever you want! The signs say ‘No Parking,' not ‘No Parking unless you Have your Hazard Lights on.' I wish I was authorized to give you people tickets.
You know those signs that have numbers on them on the side of the road? It tells you the maximum speed limit for that stretch of road. Now, I usually do 5-10 over and I'm bad for that because it's not proper, but these people that tend to go 10 or 15 UNDER the limit should have their own lane. Actually, they should just be told to walk because they'll get there just as fast without wasting gasoline and my time.
Know what I else I hate? When people see you coming and they still decided to pull out in front of you. Now, I don't mind if people do that and they immediately speed, but for those of you who don't give a shit and make me slam on my breaks or slow right down to 20k/h just because you have decided to pull out at an inappropriate time should have your privileges taken away from you!
Blinkers were invented for a reason, people: for us to use them, letting people behind us know that we're about to slow down and turn. Please people; use them! And when turning, you don't have to come to a complete stop before you turn. Yes, slowing down is a good idea, but please don't stop traffic because you can't take a corner properly.
Did you know that you're not supposed to change lanes in an intersection? NO? Well, now you've learned something else today. DON'T DO IT!
Did you know that passing on the right is illegal? I've actually done it and I admit it. But after hearing someone bitch and complain to a co-worker about getting pulled over for doing it because they didn't know it was illegal, I thought I'd let you all know, too.
Speaking of intersections, when someone is in front of you waiting to turn in an intersection, don't tailgate them. You are supposed to be behind the line! Now, I'm sure you're pissed off because the moron who was at the line in the first place was one of those people who just stare at the turn arrow, but when you blow the red (and usually the few people behind you who figure the can now blow the red light, too) it makes it hard for the people who just get the advanced arrow and go when they see it (like myself) to take advantage of this advanced light. If you do it to me, you'll get the finger.
I also can't stand you people who KNOW that the lane will be merging after a light and five of you will line up and slow down the rest of us who are in the proper lane because you can't wait a few minutes. In turn, you make ME hit the same red light for a second time while another five of you line up beside me. I'm not going to let you in, so be prepared to hit your brakes.
I hope this little rant has provided some education for you people who can't drive, and laughs for those who see these morons in this city. Don't mistake this article as me venting my road rage…I listen to some music to prevent me from losing my cool behind the wheel and I practically never use my horn. Maybe I just play too many video games where driving is involved. Oh well, the moral of the story is if you can't drive properly, SMARTEN THE HELL UP. That's it…I'm finished.
If Pete cuts you off in traffic, email him at email@example.com