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I got kicked in the junk: a story with a moral

Peter W | Interrobang | Opinion | November 28th, 2005



Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
The other day I'm in the store and WHAM, this guy walks up to me out of nowhere and kicks me in the groin. I go down, in no end of pain. Wincing in agony, I shout, in that curious blend of suffering and hatred that can only come from a state of exquisite soreness, “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?”

The guy looks down at me and says, “the planet is overpopulated and I figured you shouldn't reproduce.” I thought about this for a moment. Was he right? Did I deserve to suffer like the animals have for the overpopulation of their species? Deer may starve in the winter and I get kicked in the junk. Perhaps there was some sort of karma at work across the length and breadth of the human animals that inhabit this world.


But as profoundly compelling as this thought seemed, I was still in A LOT OF PAIN, so my erudite escape was abruptly terminated by the reality of swelling and bruising. The true test came as I recovered from the Malthusian blow. As I stood up, would the better angels of my nature manage to overwhelm my primal instinct for revenge? The short answer is no. Cloaked in the moral rectitude of the Hammurabian legal code that dominates our playground behavior whenever the forces of our abstract law and justice seem somewhat remote, I promptly returned the blow I had received.

My assailant, who had evidently given the subject more thought than I had been able during my brief flash of insight, paused not a moment before standing back up. He looked at me, somewhat disappointed. “We are doomed because even though we see the broader need for action, not one of us is willing to sacrifice for the greater good.” Not at first inclined to see the deeper truth of his thinking amidst the nagging smarting of my nether regions, I walked away angry. It was only later, upon further reflection that I realized that instead of hitting him as I did, I should have hit him with the can of corn on a nearby shelf.

Are you the person that assaulted Pete in the frozen foods section? email him at popeyepopsolive@hotmail.com
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